


standing alone

by the_sunshine_dims



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Crying, Deceit Angst, Ducking Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal Intent, anxiety mention, fears coming true, me not being able to write remus, roman and patton mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23793748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_sunshine_dims/pseuds/the_sunshine_dims
Summary: when remus gets accepted deceit's alone, he knew he was made to be alone and had been preparing for it, but now it feels... different,
Comments: 7
Kudos: 124





	1. Chapter 1

Deceit sighs, he’s happy for Remus, he really is, he’s really proud of him, but now he’s  _ really  _ alone, he knows he could of taken up remus on being brought with him to the light sides… but he hadn’t, he Made up some flimsy excuse about just incase another side appeared he would need to be there, and he tried to ignore the pout and quizzical look remus gave him with a glare before a couple moments passed and he seemed to believe the lie when deceit didn't show any signs of cracking, but...

Remus had looked so disappointed in the moment..

But it doesn’t matter much, because soon Remus would either begin to hate him or forget about him entirely, both had happened before so it wasn’t much of a stretch that it would happen again, 

He couldn't help but wonder what would've happened if he had agreed, would they eventually have grown to realize he wasn’t light material and kick him out again?, he wonders if Remus would visit- would he be allowed to visit? No- it wouldn’t matter if he wasn’t allowed, if he actually wanted to visit he would no matter what anyone said.

  
  


_ Its bittersweet,  _

He so proud of remus, so so very proud, but now he’s forever alone, 

Though it would’ve always happened, wouldn't it? no matter what he did, wouldn't he have been left behind anyway? He supposes so,

He’s deceit after all, he was _ made _ to be hated and left behind, 

He gave a humorless laugh, he thought he had accepted it, he was sure he had, but now he’s so lonely, he had placed himself away from everyone for some time before, he had gotten lonely but eventually it grew numb and it didn't bother him, but now it bothers him again, he doesn't want to have to go through the lonely faze again,

Maybe…

Maybe virgil had the right idea?

Thomas wanted to be honest and this way he wouldn't have to suffer the eternity of being alone,

Right?

After a day or so he would just fade away, so it wouldn't have been as painful as being alone forever, so maybe…

His self preservation yelled at him not to, but it was also conflicted because.. he could just… disappear, he wouldn't have to stare for hours at the place his two previous closest friends doors used to be, he wouldn't drive himself crazy with the what-ifs, he wouldn't have to be lonely or scared or- anything, he could just.... disappear

So he did

So sure that no one would miss him

_ But Oh god was he wrong _

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when remus gets accepted deceit's alone, he knew he was made to be alone and had been preparing for it, but now it feels... different,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not the most proud of this since its my first time writing the comfort for this kind of situation but nonetheless! also this was made mostly cuase someone asked if i planned on continuing and i said i dont know maybe if my brain says yes, AND LOW AND BEHOLD IT SAID YES,

Something hadn’t been sitting right with Virgil, it felt just ever so slightly different from his normal anxiety, it was just something telling him  _ something’s wrong, _ but never in more detail,

So he just sat on the couch, his leg bouncing in agitation, his brain trying to solve the puzzle that was going on in his brain, 

_ Why was it today his anxiety was just ever so slightly to the left?, _

After a bit Logan spoke up “Virgil if I may ask, is something wrong?,” 

Virgil shrugged, he didn't know himself and he didn't want to bother someone if it turned out nothing was in fact wrong

But… what if something was actually wrong? He groaned at that thought earning an eyebrow raise from logan

He sighed “I don't know if somethings wrong,” he started, “something  _ feels  _ wrong but I don't know why, I'm used to anxiety, but like this is just ever so slightly to the left, and I don't know if there's even a reason for it!” he explained exasperated “like its… my brain is telling me somethings wrong but it wont tell me what, and yeah that's pretty normal, but it- it doesn't feel like it does normally,”

Logan nodded, and remus looked up from where he had been laying starfish on the floor,

“Is it like what it feels like when a side ducks out?” he asked, his voice ominously calm, keeping eye contact as he got into a sitting position,

A shiver ran down Virgil's spine, he hated the few times Remus was this unnerving ominously calm, when he said these kind of things,it was kind of scary, he had gotten used to his normal thoughts but he didn't like these kinds of moments, especially because his brain screamed ‘that's the reason!’ and he didn't want it to be, he didn't want someone to have felt so bad they decided ducking out was the only option, he had felt that way and he knew how awful it was, how emotionally damaging it was,

Virgil took a breath to speak before remus interrupted, luckily out of his creepy moment and back to his normal-ish self “it's just- it sounded like what it felt like when you ducked out, its weird i-” virgil was wrong, this wasn't normally how remus acted, right now remus seemed  _ nervous  _ and that definitely wasn't normal -”even if you left the dark sides a bit before you ducked out we could feel the ducking out, deceit was a bit more sensitive to it though,” he paused “i don't know why i told you that last bit, that wasn't important, anyway~ so yeah deceit was pretty much you he was all worried and shit, more than usual at least, though he would never admit to ever being worried..” virgil could tell remus’s train of thought was starting to wonder

Logan finally put his book down, his interest and concern now piqued, he hummed “well i suppose there's no harm in checking out if someones actually-” he paused, he hated to admit he had feelings (though he was getting better with it) but if he said it, it would feel more real to him, so he just vaguely gestured “you know,”

Virgil took a breath “I guess…”

“Ok good Let’s-“

“Yay! Let’s go on a man hunt!” Remus interrupted, seemingly rapidly starting to feel better 

Virgil rolled his eyes and headed towards Patton’s door

——

The relief they felt when they saw Roman and Patton feeling well was instant, that is.. it was for Logan and Virgil. 

For Remus, it made him freeze because if it was deceit..he- he might not allow himself to be talked down..

Virgil was the one to notice Remus being unusually quiet and looking like a deer caught in headlights

he hummed before deciding to speak “Remus, what’s up? Your being unusually quiet,”

Remus stayed silent for a long moment before speaking

“It-“ he took a breath “it’s deceit,” Remus had remembered everything that had happened the week beforehand, he tried to get deceit to come with him but deceit made some flimsy excuse and Remus didn’t call him out! Remus knew (even if deceit did try to hide it) that deceit tried to isolate himself a lot, he had learned of deceits fear when it was very late and deceit was too groggy to hide it, and- the worst part was-

_ His fear came true  _

_ everyone left  _

_ Everyone left  _ **_him_ **

As soon as he remembered He knew it was deceit, 

Logan barely spared a second before beginning to speed walk towards the dark sides entrance 

——

Deceit winced, he knew ducking out was a process ( _ and a painful one _ ) but it still felt awful to be increasingly tired and hungry and he didn't want anyone to stop him but it still hurt because no one even noticed he was gone, though that was the whole point wasn't it? He didn't want people to know he was gone, he wanted people to be able to carry on with their lives, not carrying any grief because  _ deceit _ decided to duck out,

He winces again before he slaps his arm in front of his eyes, everythings to bright and he's tired, maybe he can sleep for the rest of the time he’s still around and he won't have to feel what will probably be a numbing pain as he vanishes, 

He argues with himself over it for a couple of moments before sighing and grabbing the headphones on his nightstand, he rests them on his shoulder for a moment before turning on his music and lying on his bed,

It feels like an eternity before he’s even close to falling asleep, and by the time the black is slowly blurring his vision the music has ended,

All of the sudden he hears loud knocking on the door, 

He can't help but wince at the loud noise as he curls up into a ball, it takes a moment before he even realizes if someone is knocking that means a person is there, he freezes in place as he takes his headphones off to listen to the softer noises of voices speaking,

_ Speaking to him _

“Deceit, please open the door!” logans voice echoed through his room, he groaned and pulled the covers over his face, he didn't want to have to deal with people validating him, not if he knew they would all be lies, and least they would go away soon, he bared his room so they couldn't rise up into his room and he locked the door so they couldn't get in-

“If you don't open it they’re going to use me as a ram!” remus trilled

Oh, remus was there, and- he sighed, he knew remus would do it, and he knew as much as he wanted to in that moment he couldn't speed up the process of ducking out,

_ A shame really _

He knows he can't do anything to stop them from entering, so he just continues to lay down, eventually the sides on the outside of the door quiet down, he hopes the decided to leave but that hope is quickly diminished when he hears a big bang and-

_ Oh, their inside the room now, _

He mumbles something even he himself cant interpret and puts his headphones on again, though this time not turning on the music,

He didn't look up as the others approached, trying to figure out which sides were and were not there based solely on dulled sound,

Surprisingly enough virgil was the first one to speak up while in deceits room “dee..” was all he said though, deceit gave a low hum in response

Remus fortunately (or unfortunatly, deceit didn’t know yet) spoke next, and since he was in a quiet emotional state for a bit and it seemed like now he really didn’t have the emotional energy to quiet down again “dee-dee! Please come back! Your like-“

“Not the time for a crude comparisons right now,” Logan gently chided knowing what remus was gonna say, Remus just pouted for a moment before continuing 

“Anyway! Like i was gonna say before nerdy wolverine interrupted me, You’re family! Even if you don’t think- I don’t know what you're thinking, actually,” he trailed off for a moment before starting up again “but anyway dee we- I love you! You’re our- err- my family!” Remus tried, he tried to not make anything crude, he had to stop himself from making assumptions, though why would virgil be here if he didn’t care? He didn't know, virgil had been a big mystery since he left the darksides,

And after another passing moment of Logan making sure he didn’t interrupt he tried to speak “de-“ was all he got out though before he was interrupted by deceit himself

He sat up quickly and willed away any longing tears that had pricked his eyes as Remus made his best attempt at a speech, he knew remus tried really hard with it, “shut up! Oh boo hoo a side is ducking out, it’s not a big deal! You guys don’t even actually care so can you leave and let me sleep the rest of this limbo away! It doesn't matter! Stop pretending you care!” He felt extremely guilty for the harsh words towards them (well mostly remus), but he couldn’t bring himself to care, he was angry, and even though he knew it wasn’t any of their faults, he was made to be hated, he  _ didn’t _ care, he  _ couldn’t  _ care, not anymore, all he wanted was to sleep away his limbo-esque situation up until he vanished, he didn’t want to hear these lies,

Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? he knows they wouldn’t miss him, he knew they were all made to be loved and listened too and be well..  _ lightsides  _ and he knew he-  _ well he just wasn’t, he was made to be the villain in their stories, _

It was as simple as that

But why couldn’t they understand that? Why couldn’t they understand that he wasn’t strong, that he wasn't strong enough to fulfill that easy purpose, he was weak, did they really need a villain that bad?

Why couldn’t they-

Frustrated tears began to prick his eyes as the others remained frozen in place, 

He hissed in dismay as the tears began to fall, he knew the feeling of the tears falling down his cheek well but it was almost too familiar in this instant,

The feeling of fresh tears falling down his cheeks and Scales as he chokes down any noise from escaping, it was almost routine, the taste of tears, everything was to familiar for him,

And all the others could do is freeze as they stared at deceit, all of his thoughts revealing themselves, they could see how the silent tears were streaming down his face, and they all knew instantly it had been practiced, they knew if they weren’t facing him they would have no idea he were ever crying in the first place

That moment the world froze everything clicked into place

They still couldn’t say They understood but now they  _ knew _

Suddenly Virgil walks and places himself on the bed, right next to deceit, he faces him and deceit can see the determined look in his eyes “if you're determined on ducking out and vanishing then, do you mind if I stay here with you until you do disappear?” Were his only words 

Suddenly Remus jumped onto the bed, “me too!” He chirped

Logan sat on the edge of the bed, keeping afar but still close enough, he knew he never had the same relationship the three did, so instead he gave a soft “I’ll be here too,” 

And that was all it took to make deceit started loudly bawling in Remus’s lap, Virgil gently patting his back as Remus panicked on what to do and after a bit of making sure he didn’t break a boundary logan scooted closer to offer words of assurance

  
  
  


_ Things weren’t suddenly okay _

_ And they all doubted things would be for A very long time,  _

_ But, _

_ This was a start _

  
  



End file.
